Freshers’ week promises a certain kind of excitement: new friends, new independence, a fresh start. For a lot of students, some of that is true. But it is just as common to feel unsettled, homesick, or quietly overwhelmed in the first weeks of university, and it is just as common for parents back home to sense that something is off in a shorter phone call or a quieter text thread, without knowing whether to worry or to give it space.
Both instincts are worth taking seriously. Struggling in the first term does not mean a student has made a mistake, and noticing a change from a distance does not mean a parent is overreacting. It usually just means everyone involved is adjusting to one of the bigger transitions of early adulthood, at the same time, from two very different vantage points.
Leaving home, building a new social circle, managing your own routine and finances, and starting unfamiliar academic work are each significant adjustments on their own. Doing all of them simultaneously, often while missing people and places you are used to, is genuinely hard, even when things are going well overall.
Students are far from alone in finding it difficult. A House of Commons Library briefing on student mental health cites a 2022 Student Minds survey in which 57% of students self-reported experiencing a mental health issue, and 27% reported a diagnosed condition. The same briefing notes that the proportion of students formally disclosing a mental health condition to their university rose from under 1% in 2010/11 to 5.8% in 2022/23, a sign both that difficulties are common and that more students feel able to name what they are going through.
Some homesickness and social awkwardness in the first few weeks is expected, and it usually eases as routines and friendships settle. It is worth paying closer attention, whether you are the one living it or the one hearing about it down the phone, if low mood, anxiety, or a sense of disconnection is persistent rather than passing, if it is affecting sleep, eating, or the ability to keep up with lectures and coursework, or if a student is withdrawing from people rather than gradually connecting with them.
None of those signs mean things need to reach a crisis point before it is appropriate to ask for help. Mind’s guidance for students actively recommends setting up support before things become difficult, precisely so it is easier to use when it is needed.
If you are reading this as a parent, you are probably not going to get the full picture from a weekly call, and that is normal, not a failure of communication. Young Minds’ guidance for parents suggests listening before problem-solving, checking in through whatever channel your child actually responds to rather than the one you would prefer, and being guided by them in the kind of support they want, rather than deciding for them.
It is also worth knowing what you are listening for. Persistent anxiety about social situations or coursework, signs of isolation or difficulty making friends, and pressure to do things they are not comfortable with, including drinking more than they would like, are all worth a gentler follow-up conversation rather than a single reassurance-seeking question. And if you are ever seriously concerned about their safety, that is a reason to involve the university’s support services, a GP, or Samaritans directly, rather than waiting to see if it passes.
It is also worth naming something that often gets missed: this transition can be hard on you too. Watching your child struggle from a distance, or simply adjusting to a much quieter house, is a real thing to be sitting with, and it is a completely legitimate reason to seek some support of your own, separate from anything to do with them.
For students, most UK universities offer a free, confidential in-house counselling service that you can usually refer yourself to without a GP referral, alongside wellbeing advisers and Students’ Union welfare officers. The NHS’s guide to student mental health support is a useful starting point, and makes clear these services are there for everyday stress and low mood, not only for students with an existing diagnosis. Students can also self-refer to NHS talking therapies for anxiety and depression, and register with a GP near their term-time address.
Talking to friends and family matters, and it is genuinely part of settling in, or of coping as a parent. But there is a difference between that kind of support and what a trained therapist offers: a confidential space with no judgment, and someone whose only agenda is helping you understand what you are feeling and find your way through it.
The evidence backs this up. A SCORE consortium study spanning more than 5,000 students across four UK university counselling services found that severe psychological distress dropped from 60% before counselling to 27% afterward, and that counselling was particularly effective at addressing the academic-related distress students report as their biggest source of concern.
You don’t have to wait until things fall apart, for either of you, before it’s worth asking for support. In my experience, the students and parents who reach out early usually find it becomes the turning point, not a last resort.
Whether you are the one adjusting to first term, or the one lying awake wondering how they are really doing, this is something a conversation with a therapist can genuinely help with, for either of you. Sessions run over Google Meet, so distance from campus, or from the UK altogether, is not a barrier.
Whether it is you adjusting to first term, or you at home wondering how they are really doing, a free initial consultation is a low-pressure way to start. I work with adults across the UK and internationally via online sessions on Google Meet. No commitment, no pressure: just a conversation about where you are.